嘿，你！ 汉娜 这里。今天，我想聊聊过去几周一直在想的话题— the similarities between the obsession with 成绩 and the pursuit of thinness. Maybe this will resonate with you, and maybe it won’t, but either way, I’m grateful you’re here and thanks for reading. Go grab a cup of your favorite beverage (I’ve got a cup of hot coffee with 我….caffeine始终），让我们开始讨论。
我做得很好…or at least…社会认为是高成就的…from elementary school 至 now, my 4th year at Northeastern. I think that my 成绩 have probably served 我 well in certain capacities: being accepted into colleges, having employers comment on the GPA they see on my resume, receiving academic awards in high school and college…I get it. High 成绩 in our society are seen as the most worthy of recognition and thus, often-times, are favored in all sorts of ways. There is 不hing inherently 错误 与接收A’s (if the person receiving them is deserving of them), just like there is 不hing objectively 错误 with 成绩 symbolized by the following letters in the alphabet. But because a strong emphasis is placed on the highest 成绩 in our society, those are the ones that are deemed the best. The gold standard. “A for Excellent”. It’s what many people strive for. And that’s okay. Being in our society, that’s normal.
Things get sticky though when the idea of maintaining excellent or perfect 成绩 turns into an obsession. When it becomes life-sucking, stressful, and consuming. When it takes away from other parts of our lives that breath joy and calmness into us; when it defines who we are. Because in these contexts, it becomes a whole lot like dieting and disordered eating. Now, I’m 不 saying they are exactly parallel or the same at all, but I think it’可以阐明这两个世界之间存在相似之处—在学术界追求完美和追求纤薄。
I realized this parallel in my own life during a conversation with 罗宾 last month. We were talking about 成绩, and the fact that, oftentimes, the high-achieving part of my brain gets nervous that I won’t continue 至 “do good enough” in school. I think about 成绩 –我得到的和我希望继续得到的– a lot. If I’m honest with you and myself, as grad school applications quickly approached this year, the expectation 至 maintain the GPA and 成绩 I currently have began 至 consume 我. I started 至 feel all sorts of test anxiety and stress around studying enough. Achieving enough. Doing well enough.
So as 罗宾 and I sat there chatting about this, I recognized that the situation I was in sounded very similar 至 the ways in which dieting, bodily numerical values, and disordered eating habits used 至 take over my life and so much of my 我ntal space. Through talking about this with her, I started 至 see that I did 不 want this obsession with perfect 成绩 至 consume 我 anymore. Dieting used 至 control 我 and my life, and now, a very similar thing was happening with 成绩. I didn’不想让这种潜在的叙述统治我的生活；我想摆脱这种高压的精神和情绪仓鼠轮子。我告诉她：“我想我需要写这个。” “你应该！！”她兴奋地说道，鼓励我这样做…write about it.
痴迷（任何一种，但在此特别—饮食失调和对GPA的痴迷使我们（或至少我）失去了社交生活。我可能会花一些时间与朋友一起度过欢乐时光，然后将其转变为我被迫和被迫用于学习的时间（在我的饮食时代：做饭，卡路里计算或锻炼）。对我来说，朋友是我的生命线。他们富有同情心，关怀，绝对热闹和充满活力。与他们共度时光给了我视角，笑声，爱和幸福。当我将精力全花在一周的所有小时中，将头推到书本和荧光笔遮盖的手掌上时，我感到这种幸福就连我自己也没有，即使是最短的时间也能带给我。节食曾经发生过同样的事情，但是谢天谢地，船已经驶过了。
这也适用于睡眠。痴迷于我刚刚参加的测试或熬夜学习（以及在饮食节期间：熬夜思考那天我所吃的东西或明天打包好的特百惠餐具的包装）可以节省我可以睡觉的时间。睡觉是如此重要— it’s one of the most critical things we can spend our time doing, and I know it makes 我 saner, happier, more engaged and better able 至 be present in my life. The obsession with my food intake, and now, the compulsion 至 pursue perfect 成绩, takes away from this really important part of my life that I know helps my brain and body a 至 n. WE NEED REST.
节食和追求学术上的完美都涉及固定一个特定的数字— there’s this belief in dieting that once we reach a certain weight or body fat percentage, everything in our lives will be better. Will will be happier. 生活 will have less problems. With 成绩, there’s the thought that once we attain a certain GPA or grade on a test, we will be more worthy —我们会更快乐。我们将拥有更多价值。如果我们不这样做，那么我们就不那么值得，我们可能会感到沮丧，而且我们可能会质疑我们作为学生和人的能力。突然，考试中的B让我们质疑我们对世界的全部贡献。听起来很戏剧性，但是我认为这是可以发挥作用的方式。
这两个想法都是完全不正确的，尽管我完全放弃了节食 ’s hold on 我, the numerical aspect as it ties into my worth regarding 成绩 definitely still haunts 我. I’ve been scared into believing that something lower than an A will “change” 我 or make 我 不 as good. Not as worthy. Not a good candidate for future school programs. This is so similar 至 breaking free from disordered eating. When we first start out with the process, many of us are scared of eating foods that we restricted for so long and of possible weight gain because we think it’ll make us somehow less worthy than when we were in thinner bodies. But I instinctively know that this, as well as 成绩 我asuring my worth, are simply 不 true.
Numerical values that society and school tries 至 place on 我 cannot define 我 or you or tell 我 what I’m worth. Regardless of my pant size, the number on the scale, the 成绩 I get on tests, or the GPA that I end up with, I’m still 汉娜. I’m a determined, resilient, and hard-working student. I 爱 学习;我永远都不想停下来。我是一个富有同情心，善良，真诚的朋友，姐妹和女儿。 （边注–>如果让您对自己的积极品质感到不舒服，那’s ok, but I’我会鼓励您再试一次，直到您开始了解自己的真实身份，因为您’非常有价值），我可以决定自己的价值以及我想成为世界上的谁。我的体重不应该得到那种能力，我的GPA也不应该。绝对，我可以选择购买价值的数值，并赋予它们定义我的幸福和我在世界上的位置的能力（我’我过去曾经选择过），但我正在积极选择 不 至 现在。
我知道有些人可能不同意这个想法，这是100％可以的。我们都会有不同的信念— that’s what makes this world interesting. And I do very much believe that an obsession with thinness is like having an obsession with 成绩 of a certain standard. Striving 至 obtain perfect 成绩 in college takes away substance from my well-being and replaces it with stress in a very similar way 至 how dieting used 至 . And if there’s something in my life that is going 至 take away from 我 being my best person and the best version of who I’ve been put on this Earth 至 be, I don’t want any part of that. I stopped jumping on various diet wagons, recovered from disordered eating habits, and let go of having a “perfect, healthy” diet. Now, I think it’s time 至 break up with the idea of academic perfection, 至 o.
Okay. Hold on. Does this 我an I’m going 至 drop everything, throw my anatomy textbook out my five-story apartment building, never study again in my life, and 不 care at all about my academics or my future? No. Definitely 不. Just like how intuitive eating employs a gentle, non-obsessive, and freeing approach 至 nutrition and movement, I’m going 至 work 至 wards being more gentle and less stringent with myself in terms of academic stress and 成绩. I broke up with dieting and recognized my disordered eating habits. I realized that they were 不 serving 我, so I moved in the direction of finding a balance and a way of eating and moving that was light-hearted, 不 rigid, and completely worked for 我. It turned out that letting go of this obsession with health and healthy eating was one of the best things I’ve ever worked on because I now have a happy, easy-going relationship 至 food; I want 至 pursue the same with my academics.
我没有一个疯狂的，经过深思熟虑的计划，因为这将需要压力，而且我一生中都不想再有这样的计划！但是，我要做的就是尽力而为–尽我所能– without obsession. Some days, this is going 至 我an I prioritize studying and 成绩: I’ll study a lot for an upcoming test (and take quality breaks) because the material is going 至 be important for, and really help 我 in, my future as a healthcare practitioner. Some days, doing my best is going 至 我an putting my extraverted, friend-loving self first: taking a morning coffee walk with a friend, eating a good brunch, relaxing, and going out with friends on Saturday night. I am in college after all!
在这一切的核心中，我’我是一名大学生，正在申请研究生课程，因为我想成为有一天可能成为的最佳医疗保健从业者。我想帮助人们，并对我的实践知识和自信。那’我需要付出一些努力，我知道。这就需要花时间学习，上班，学习困难的概念和通过课程。但是我也希望，为了使我成为21岁的老人，让他有很多生活和享受的生活，所有这些努力都可以在没有太多焦虑的情况下投入。我希望在我所从事的每一个非常艰苦的科学课和实验室中，都可以在没有过多压力和不追求完美的情况下实现它…而且我会在接下来的几年。
就像节食一样，如果我让完美成绩的念头超越了我，使我承受更大的压力，被折磨的/不愉快的社交生活，更少的睡眠，我真正喜欢花费时间的更少的运动，以及精神状态的破坏，我自己被烧毁了。我还有大约4年的学习时间，更不用说我成为临床医生后可能要接受的任何继续教育。现在由于对我的最高本科GPA的痴迷而变得精疲力尽是不合理的。它’傻。这仅仅是个开始！我会把所有的学术精力和资本浪费在大学成绩上，这样，当研究生课程开始实施时，我就会被利用和花费。我绝对不想要那样如果我真的想成为一名优秀的从业者，更不用说20多岁的人了’情绪稳定，充满活力，拥有朋友并拥有幸福的生活观，’我们必须在书本，测试和Powerpoint中找到一些时间。为了我的心理健康，笑声，我永无休止的洗衣服，我非常珍惜的朋友。为了睡眠，喜欢的运动，烹饪令人满意的食物，投资社区并承担一些喜欢的领导角色，还有时间打电话给家人，因为’也很重要除了成绩，还有很多重要的事情。
I’m in college 至 learn and change. A lot of this learning involves absorbing and understanding (not just 我morizing and cramming and stressing about) information that will help 我 in the future. And a lot of this change 我ans letting go of the ideal GPA and 成绩 in every class, and doing my best in school under less amounts of stress and self-imposed pressure. No, this doesn’t 我an I’m going 至 give up my ambition, drive, and determination 至 succeed and learn. I don’t think that’的答案，或者我想要那样…I’是真正喜欢上学的人之一。我喜欢学习。我很感谢上学— that’这是我永远都不会想当然的绝对巨大的特权。
我一直感谢我的幸运星在东北大学中的地位。这有点疯狂…到目前为止，我刚开始练习这种新的上学方法时所学到的是， 我 helps 我 至 do well academically because I’m 不 stressing and obsessing over specific 数字 or honors anymore. I’m just going about each day, doing the best that I can, while understanding that: 1.) it’s okay if I make mistakes, and 2.) that it’s important I sleep, eat, move, and see people who support 我 throughout the week.
从本学期开始，有很多错误。有失败和混乱的余地。成长，变革，做得更好，做得不好，跌倒并重新站起来的空间很大。老实说，我的空间就是我自己，我们所有人都是： 人的.
这非常类似于节食对我的影响（也许对你也一样）。一旦我开始放开饮食规则，僵化和饮食习惯和身体上的压力，我就开始有了轻松的时间来与食物，我的外表和运动建立成功，自由和幸福的关系。
我还没弄清楚这一切。我不知道在学校达到合理的目标与为所有对我来说很重要的自理事情保持时间之间的确切平衡是什么。说实话，我认为没有完美的平衡，但我知道必须有所作为。必须有一种不完美，愉快地打败中间立场的方法。我现在唯一确定的是我做事的方式— being filled with anxiety about tests and papers and quizzes and letting my self-worth be defined by certain 成绩 and a GPA, has got 至 change. I’m determined 至 find that balance (if there is such a thing) that doesn’t allow room for so much stress, negativity, and obsession —一个可以让我照顾自己并与我所关心的人保持联系的空间。我知道我应得的。我知道我们都做！
我很喜欢这个帖子！我曾经有过最艰难的研究生学期，这是我经历过的最严重的饮食失调现象，这绝非偶然！在您努力摆脱学术上的完美时，我完全支持您。唐’不要误会我的意思，我在学术界，就像你说的那样，我认为学习和努力很重要，但是对我们的期望却实在太大了。我们可以’做到这一切。我正在读博士课程，有几天我很喜欢它，有几天想说eff，我要辞职（不幸的是，这对博士生来说显然是正常的）。我没有’还没达到戒烟的地步，但是我确实对这两种方式感到安宁，就像如果我戒烟那不会是世界的尽头，它不会’t 我an I’失败了甚至现在我都在努力工作，但我没有自杀。做好就好…enough. It doesn’不一定要完美。祝一切顺利！
我是二年级的博士生，有很多延长的时间我曾想过要退出，所以你并不孤单！进入研究生院后，我对生活/学校的焦虑和担忧肯定很高。尽管我从ED行动中恢复过来，但我绝对能够注意到ED的思想和思想如何轻松地传播，以及它们如何与工作和学校焦虑联系在一起。对我来说，关于承认这些想法并依靠我的知识和逻辑想法来确保我不会’t act on them!
听你的直觉，女孩。我从高中和大学开始就非常疲倦，以至于我毕业四年后才毕业。– I just COULDN’T DEAL. Now I’为它留出一个更好的顶空，花点时间为我服务，毫不妥协。生命真是太短暂了，以至于无法为一个数字苦恼，无论那’s 成绩 or the number on a scale.
1000% agree with this! I am a 4th year 我dical student and just found out yesterday that I matched into residency for dermatology (yay!). Dermatology is one of the most, if 不 the most, competitive residency 至 match into- 我aning you have 至 have almost perfect preclinical and clinical 成绩, ridiculous board scores, and lots of research/publications. I have 不iced during my dermatology rotations thus far that probably close 至 75% of the female dermatology residents (and applicants) have disordered eating habits, a full blown eating disorder, or a history of an eating disorder (I fall in this category). It definitely takes some level of perfectionism 至 match into dermatology, and it can be a positive attribute 至 a certain extent, but unfortunately that perfectionism often manifests itself in other areas of life as well (like the pursuit for thinness). All of that 至 say, I think you hit the freakin nail on the head with this one!
在大学里，我感到极高的压力，要维持高于平均水平的GPA。作为工程领域的女性，我很少。我的专业是大约8％的女性。很多时候，我会发现自己是班上唯一的女孩，因此我感到有压力证明自己“deserved”到那里。很大一部分是自我造成的，但是很多是由于我经常会收到的判断。我仍然在为自己的价值而苦苦挣扎，并且不打扰我的人们根据我的性别/外貌来评估我的工作能力。
Love this post! I connected with it so much. I see a direct correlation between my perfectionism, perfect 成绩, and eating disorder in my university days. I think this 至 pic relates right back 至 a conversation about where I was putting my self-worth. Also perfectionists 爱 quantifiable achievement….so I think you are absolutely right, 成绩 and dieting were very similar 至 我 back then. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
您的话让我非常感动，我觉得您很难在保持竞争力以平衡未来计划的同时，甚至有时候保持健康和镇定。作为营养学三年级的学生，’越来越难以看到自己继续以研究生院和实习的速度’我现在要去。这种平衡是我的事’我也一直在努力，当我说慢的时候，我的意思是慢的。因为就像从节食向直觉进食的转变一样，从GPA迷恋到实现学校与生活平衡’不会在一夜之间发生，但是’s oh so possible.
哇。这确实引起了我的共鸣。一世’自从学校毕业以来，我就一直在研究饮食失调的问题，但是我从来没有想过我对获得4.0和节食的痴迷（对我来说，计算卡路里和过度运动）。他们一起为我读研究生。试图在各个层面上做到完美。一世’自从意识到“numbers”计数是我的诱因，但我从未真正考虑过自己的学术生涯。谢谢你的精彩帖子。
女孩，我不能说我有多爱这个。我的东西’我学到了很多东西，是上帝 ’恩典就足够了，耶稣就是那完美的那一位，我可以’没错我只需要享受他，享受他的友谊，食物和自由的礼物，而我不会’不必一直让自己失望或被完美主义所迷住。我爱你看到了学术完美主义和饮食完美主义是如何相伴而生的，而你’re giving up both!
汉娜！
This is beautifully written. I 至 o felt all consumed by my 成绩 and that was the start of my crippling test anxiety for chem exams. That obsession with 成绩 was also when I started 至 have 至 accept that those C’s and D’在化学考试只是要削减它，我不会’如果我在那些测试中获得A分数，那么她的Connie会比我少。我喜欢您在这里画的平行线，我想很多人对此表示共鸣！ XOXO
这篇文章引起了我的共鸣！我的东西’最近我一直在思考和祈祷。我意识到在高中时我让自己的成绩和学校成为我的偶像–我迷恋，担心和定义自己的东西。我最近与我最好的朋友就此话题进行了交谈（我们’都是大学新生），我们谈到了让自己接受不完美成绩的困难。为了让我进入梦想中的大学并获得所需的奖学金，我非常需要保持完美的4.0 GPA，但是我也让这个数字定义了我。我问错了，突然我’完全失败。您所说的获得B并质疑自己的一切听起来很引人注目，但这’所以我的脑海里也发生了什么！另外，作为一型糖尿病患者，我不得不说AIC’s是相同的。人们一直把它们称为“grades”，他们也是！我每三个月约会就会感到严重焦虑–我的AIC会更高，更低吗？一世 ’我很高兴我遇到了这个’我也很高兴认识到其他人在想和我一样的事情！
哇，这正是我的感受。一世’我现在只有高中（我知道，我’我是一个婴儿）但从小学开始，我’ve been a huge perfectionist and straight-A student. I feel like when my disordered eating started getting better, my obsession with 成绩 only got worse. Thanks so much for this post- definitely makes 我 think about how I should be looking at my value and worth without obsessing over 数字.
w，我在最佳时机找到了此帖！一世’m currently in an accelerated nursing program and my 成绩 have definitely tanked simply due 至 the high-stress, accelerated nature –您如何学习整个月’一星期的材料价值？叹。从完美GPA学生到现在“B”学生，我绝对意识到我’ve tied a healthy dose of my self-worth 至 my 成绩 and GPA. Like you, I stay up at night thinking about that ONE MISTAKE that I made…I’我将在那个班级获得B学位，并且将来进入研究生课程的所有机会现在为零–大概我的大脑说。
但是，就像您说的那样，虽然对学校申请等事情的GPA感到健康，这是正常的，但是浪费时间和精力浪费时间并试图预测未来不会有任何帮助。如果在进行下一步之前就精疲力尽，我将如何成为一个好的NP？生活比那更大。
听起来我们俩都知道这一切的逻辑，’只是训练我们的大脑“jump 至 conclusions”我们一得到‘bad’年级。祝您旅途愉快，我很高兴能找到此帖！