嘿，你！ 汉娜 这里。今天，我想聊聊过去几周一直在想的话题— the similarities between the obsession with 成绩 and the pursuit of thinness. Maybe this will resonate with you, and maybe it won’t, but either way, I’m grateful you’re here and thanks for reading. Go grab a cup of your favorite beverage (I’ve got a cup of hot coffee with 我….caffeine始终），让我们开始讨论。
我做得很好…or at least…社会认为是高成就的…from elementary school 至 now, my 4th year at Northeastern. I think that my 成绩 have probably served 我 well in certain capacities: being accepted into colleges, having employers comment on the GPA they see on my resume, receiving academic awards in high school and college…I get it. High 成绩 in our society are seen as the most worthy of recognition and thus, often-times, are favored in all sorts of ways. There is 不hing inherently 错误 与接收A’s (if the person receiving them is deserving of them), just like there is 不hing objectively 错误 with 成绩 symbolized by the following letters in the alphabet. But because a strong emphasis is placed on the highest 成绩 in our society, those are the ones that are deemed the best. The gold standard. “A for Excellent”. It’s what many people strive for. And that’s okay. Being in our society, that’s normal.
Things get sticky though when the idea of maintaining excellent or perfect 成绩 turns into an obsession. When it becomes life-sucking, stressful, and consuming. When it takes away from other parts of our lives that breath joy and calmness into us; when it defines who we are. Because in these contexts, it becomes a whole lot like dieting and disordered eating. Now, I’m 不 saying they are exactly parallel or the same at all, but I think it’可以阐明这两个世界之间存在相似之处—在学术界追求完美和追求纤薄。
I realized this parallel in my own life during a conversation with 罗宾 last month. We were talking about 成绩, and the fact that, oftentimes, the high-achieving part of my brain gets nervous that I won’t continue 至 “do good enough” in school. I think about 成绩 –我得到的和我希望继续得到的– a lot. If I’m honest with you and myself, as grad school applications quickly approached this year, the expectation 至 maintain the GPA and 成绩 I currently have began 至 consume 我. I started 至 feel all sorts of test anxiety and stress around studying enough. Achieving enough. Doing well enough.
So as 罗宾 and I sat there chatting about this, I recognized that the situation I was in sounded very similar 至 the ways in which dieting, bodily numerical values, and disordered eating habits used 至 take over my life and so much of my 我ntal space. Through talking about this with her, I started 至 see that I did 不 want this obsession with perfect 成绩 至 consume 我 anymore. Dieting used 至 control 我 and my life, and now, a very similar thing was happening with 成绩. I didn’不想让这种潜在的叙述统治我的生活；我想摆脱这种高压的精神和情绪仓鼠轮子。我告诉她：“我想我需要写这个。” “你应该！！”她兴奋地说道，鼓励我这样做…write about it.
这也适用于睡眠。痴迷于我刚刚参加的测试或熬夜学习（以及在饮食节期间：熬夜思考那天我所吃的东西或明天打包好的特百惠餐具的包装）可以节省我可以睡觉的时间。睡觉是如此重要— it’s one of the most critical things we can spend our time doing, and I know it makes 我 saner, happier, more engaged and better able 至 be present in my life. The obsession with my food intake, and now, the compulsion 至 pursue perfect 成绩, takes away from this really important part of my life that I know helps my brain and body a 至 n. WE NEED REST.
节食和追求学术上的完美都涉及固定一个特定的数字— there’s this belief in dieting that once we reach a certain weight or body fat percentage, everything in our lives will be better. Will will be happier. 生活 will have less problems. With 成绩, there’s the thought that once we attain a certain GPA or grade on a test, we will be more worthy —我们会更快乐。我们将拥有更多价值。如果我们不这样做，那么我们就不那么值得，我们可能会感到沮丧，而且我们可能会质疑我们作为学生和人的能力。突然，考试中的B让我们质疑我们对世界的全部贡献。听起来很戏剧性，但是我认为这是可以发挥作用的方式。
这两个想法都是完全不正确的，尽管我完全放弃了节食 ’s hold on 我, the numerical aspect as it ties into my worth regarding 成绩 definitely still haunts 我. I’ve been scared into believing that something lower than an A will “change” 我 or make 我 不 as good. Not as worthy. Not a good candidate for future school programs. This is so similar 至 breaking free from disordered eating. When we first start out with the process, many of us are scared of eating foods that we restricted for so long and of possible weight gain because we think it’ll make us somehow less worthy than when we were in thinner bodies. But I instinctively know that this, as well as 成绩 我asuring my worth, are simply 不 true.
Numerical values that society and school tries 至 place on 我 cannot define 我 or you or tell 我 what I’m worth. Regardless of my pant size, the number on the scale, the 成绩 I get on tests, or the GPA that I end up with, I’m still 汉娜. I’m a determined, resilient, and hard-working student. I 爱 学习;我永远都不想停下来。我是一个富有同情心，善良，真诚的朋友，姐妹和女儿。 （边注–>如果让您对自己的积极品质感到不舒服，那’s ok, but I’我会鼓励您再试一次，直到您开始了解自己的真实身份，因为您’非常有价值），我可以决定自己的价值以及我想成为世界上的谁。我的体重不应该得到那种能力，我的GPA也不应该。绝对，我可以选择购买价值的数值，并赋予它们定义我的幸福和我在世界上的位置的能力（我’我过去曾经选择过），但我正在积极选择 不 至 现在。
我知道有些人可能不同意这个想法，这是100％可以的。我们都会有不同的信念— that’s what makes this world interesting. And I do very much believe that an obsession with thinness is like having an obsession with 成绩 of a certain standard. Striving 至 obtain perfect 成绩 in college takes away substance from my well-being and replaces it with stress in a very similar way 至 how dieting used 至 . And if there’s something in my life that is going 至 take away from 我 being my best person and the best version of who I’ve been put on this Earth 至 be, I don’t want any part of that. I stopped jumping on various diet wagons, recovered from disordered eating habits, and let go of having a “perfect, healthy” diet. Now, I think it’s time 至 break up with the idea of academic perfection, 至 o.
Okay. Hold on. Does this 我an I’m going 至 drop everything, throw my anatomy textbook out my five-story apartment building, never study again in my life, and 不 care at all about my academics or my future? No. Definitely 不. Just like how intuitive eating employs a gentle, non-obsessive, and freeing approach 至 nutrition and movement, I’m going 至 work 至 wards being more gentle and less stringent with myself in terms of academic stress and 成绩. I broke up with dieting and recognized my disordered eating habits. I realized that they were 不 serving 我, so I moved in the direction of finding a balance and a way of eating and moving that was light-hearted, 不 rigid, and completely worked for 我. It turned out that letting go of this obsession with health and healthy eating was one of the best things I’ve ever worked on because I now have a happy, easy-going relationship 至 food; I want 至 pursue the same with my academics.
我没有一个疯狂的，经过深思熟虑的计划，因为这将需要压力，而且我一生中都不想再有这样的计划！但是，我要做的就是尽力而为–尽我所能– without obsession. Some days, this is going 至 我an I prioritize studying and 成绩: I’ll study a lot for an upcoming test (and take quality breaks) because the material is going 至 be important for, and really help 我 in, my future as a healthcare practitioner. Some days, doing my best is going 至 我an putting my extraverted, friend-loving self first: taking a morning coffee walk with a friend, eating a good brunch, relaxing, and going out with friends on Saturday night. I am in college after all!
I’m in college 至 learn and change. A lot of this learning involves absorbing and understanding (not just 我morizing and cramming and stressing about) information that will help 我 in the future. And a lot of this change 我ans letting go of the ideal GPA and 成绩 in every class, and doing my best in school under less amounts of stress and self-imposed pressure. No, this doesn’t 我an I’m going 至 give up my ambition, drive, and determination 至 succeed and learn. I don’t think that’的答案，或者我想要那样…I’是真正喜欢上学的人之一。我喜欢学习。我很感谢上学— that’这是我永远都不会想当然的绝对巨大的特权。
我一直感谢我的幸运星在东北大学中的地位。这有点疯狂…到目前为止，我刚开始练习这种新的上学方法时所学到的是， 我 helps 我 至 do well academically because I’m 不 stressing and obsessing over specific 数字 or honors anymore. I’m just going about each day, doing the best that I can, while understanding that: 1.) it’s okay if I make mistakes, and 2.) that it’s important I sleep, eat, move, and see people who support 我 throughout the week.
我还没弄清楚这一切。我不知道在学校达到合理的目标与为所有对我来说很重要的自理事情保持时间之间的确切平衡是什么。说实话，我认为没有完美的平衡，但我知道必须有所作为。必须有一种不完美，愉快地打败中间立场的方法。我现在唯一确定的是我做事的方式— being filled with anxiety about tests and papers and quizzes and letting my self-worth be defined by certain 成绩 and a GPA, has got 至 change. I’m determined 至 find that balance (if there is such a thing) that doesn’t allow room for so much stress, negativity, and obsession —一个可以让我照顾自己并与我所关心的人保持联系的空间。我知道我应得的。我知道我们都做！